Kids, PLEASE read...

Something I really worry about is the way you guys just rush up and pat my head. Watching my mates soccer game yesterday, there must have been 5 or 6 little kids just race up to me without any warning and give me a pat.

I know I'm adorable. I understand why you want to get close and I like it. BUT NOT ALL DOGS ARE AS NICE AS ME, and not all dogs want to be patted by people they don't know.

Usually all it takes with those types is an introduction from their boss first and then they love a pat... BUT NOT ON TOP OF THE HEAD...we dogs don't really like that until we know you.

So please...

ASK THE DOGS BOSS BEFORE YOU COME NEAR.

NO BOSS, NO PATTING.

KEEP YOUR FACE AWAY FROM OURS.

LOOK AT OUR CHESTS, NOT OUR EYES.

LET US SNIFF THE BACK OF YOUR FIST...

..then scratch our CHEEKS and UNDER our ears first.

(We don't like it when people we don't know reach over our heads in case they're gonna grab us or something.)

This way less of you will get bitten by dogs who think they have no choice, and I might not have to spend my life in a muzzle.

Sunday, bloody Sunday...

I'm not sure about Sundays. Sundays are Obedience Training club. Sometimes that's ok, and sometimes people just can't make up their minds about what they want a dog to do. It's "Jake, SIT. Jake DOWN. Jake HEEL..." and so on, for a couple of very trying hours.

My boss knows I can do all this stuff perfectly. I always do. I'm the best dog there I reckon. So then today, instead of showing me something new and interesting to do, I get to go to the NEW ENTRANTS class instead of my normal advanced...while the boss goes off and has coffee, leaving me and my mate to mix with the puppies.

And then, after that, my mate gets to run around in a big field for ages with all his friends (he calls it a 'soccer game' but I know fetch when I see it) while I have to sit quietly on a leash and watch. Fair go I can see why some dogs bite their bosses.

My Mate...

This is my mate with me in the park. He's a pretty good sort, and is really into ball sports and stuff. He's 12 now, but this was about a year ago.

Someone told me that makes us about the same age, which makes sense, cause we like doing the same kind of stuff.

We especially like going down the lake and rescuing stones. I Really worry about them, and stick my whole head in to get them out.

I wonder if the Prime Minister has thought about that with her stupid muzzle idea...

So what makes me a Dangerous Dog...?

Well apparently it's because of the way I LOOK. It's my appearance that defines me, not my behaviour. So because I'm strong and well proportioned, and despite an impeccable pedigree, excellent manners, & no history of violence, I'm to be categorised the same as all those troublemaking stray dogs and cross-breeds around the place.

People, they're so inconsistent sometimes.

BSL. Breed Specific Legislation...or Bloody Stupid Lawmaking?

Because the newspaper says I'm a dangerous breed of dog, the Prime Minister has said that I should have to WEAR A MUZZLE whenever I'm out in public...and get this, even when you come to my house for a visit. I had the boss send her an e-mail asking how I'm supposed to carry a stick on the beach, or chase my tennis ball in the park when I've got this cage around my head. But it seems that she (the RH H Clarke) doesn't think that's particularly important.

The boss says that by extending the BSL muzzling argument we'll be handcuffing all members of a certain NZ ethnic minority next whenever THEY'RE out in public, allowing as they make up some excessive percent of our prison population, they tend to be big and strong, and statistics can show that they're more likely to commit crime than the boss is...

He's pretty darn worked up about this whole BSL debate... a good thing I guess, allowing that the government is considering ethnic cleansing against me and my kin!

I'm a bit worried about some of those OTHER dogs that walk around our place though... some of them are really much bigger than me, and grumpy too...I got a right hiding from a couple of labradors recently...luckily their boss turned up and dragged them off me.

And get this...because labradors aren't named as a 'dangerous breed', they won't be affected by this BSL thing at all, and next time they want to beat me up I might be wearing a muzzle and won't even be able to defend myself until help arrives...What's a dog supposed to do??

From the dining room...

I'm just seeing how to make posts from my other home...the restaurant my boss owns. I have to spend AGES here sometimes...but there there are compensations...like when they need help cleaning up the floor after a busy night. I'm really good at getting things out of the corners.

I don't ever go into the kitchen...I tried that...Once.

I just learned I'm supposed to be vicious...

Hello world, welcome to my diary. The names Mess, Jake the Mess. For some reason people think that's funny.

My boss says that because I'm one of those 'vicious' breeds of dog (which must be true 'cause it's in all the newspapers at the moment) I should get out there in the public eye and show my worth as a member of polite doggy society.

I just turned 2. Not quite grown up yet, but not a puppy any more. This was me when I was a really little pup...about 6 months old. Too cute for words eh!

I'm a Staffordshire Bull Terrier. Apparently that is supposed to make me some sort of killer breed or something. ...but really I don't know...I've never met someone I didn't like, in fact I'm told I like people too much, and need to just "calm down a bit" ...not sure about THAT!

We live in Lake Hawea, New Zealand. I'm not allowed to say where exactly, because would you believe it, people might try and STEAL ME!!